previously it was a mixture of fear and other feelings. wondering why i'm doing that, why i'm going there, what i'm looking for... fear was constantly there, but still not strong enough. the motivation i hoped an external challenge would bring was weak & confused, if ever there. thus making everything v. difficult.
but i guess now it's just a matter of time, so every other feeling gently withdrew. only fear left. sometimes fear is good. let's see how the story goes this time.
no time to wonder why...
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