jigsaw falling into pieces

i feel absolutely awkward tonight. like i'm high or something. everything in my head is running at 1000 beats per minute although all my movements are slow and relaxed. i was packing - which i hate btw - and the train of thoughts and images and sounds in my mind couldn't stop. it's going so fast... maybe it's bec i'm sleep deprived. or anxious. too many things changing here around. don't know. maybe also bec i've been voiceless for the past few days, i felt the urge to blog, which is cool. and i realised i haven't been blogging in a veeery long while. it's weird. when i started, i was writing on my notebook less and less often, basically only when i was travelling (and couldn't blog). which is weird anyway, bec the blog has a different scope thus i write absolutely different things here than i would in my notes. but still. and now, i started writing for real - well, for real, what a big word, let's say for fun... whatever... and i stopped blogging... and another month is passing by, the year is almost over, i couldn't leave without a last post. i'm taking a train tomorrow, and then a plane, and then back to italy. i haven't seen the sea for almost 4 months, and the sun for nearly as much. and hopefully i will, but now i don't even want to leave, and i forgot why.