a tale of two cities - or more?

there's this person, that leads some life and feels kind of stuck into it. sometimes she finds it hard to keep going on along the path she somehow happened to fall on, and thinks the best way would be to change it. but she does not have time, or guts, or both. so she does not change it. she keeps going along that path, but slowly, hobbling around. grumpy. and cranky.
and there is this other person, that she calls out in these moments, who is so cool. she calls her out when she can't stand feeling so cranky, to deal with all the things she wants to do, but can't. so this other person takes care of a lot of cool things that she (the first one) would like to do. but she does it underground. nobody really notices that, because she's not allowed to live the real life. because there's no time, or guts, or both. she is so cool, but she's not real, after all.
for a certain while, these two people get along pretty well with each other. it even helps at the beginning. the cranky one sees there are things worth going on, even along her path, and becomes less cranky. and the cool one, well, she does them, so she keeps being cool. seems it's working.
but then, the cranky one becomes cranky again, because she can't enjoy the cool things the other one does. she becomes jealous and subtly tries to sabotage the other one. who, in return, starts getting cranky herself, because after all, what she does is not real.
so they get back to each other, back to a single cranky one, back to the beginning. nothing lost, except time. and the unbearable feeling of being crabby, and knowing you're not going anywhere.
this happens often. it's like a pattern, with some kind of period, even though irregular. up, and down. up, and down. until sometimes, the cool one decides she really wants some space, and tries to get it. and if she's really convinced, and really wants it, she may be even able to convince the cranky one, and give her the necessary guts to turn something and get in the new character. and it could be a new beginning. get back to each other, without the usual crabbiness.
it could work.
just, most of the time, a third person comes out. there's not much they can do to avoid her appearance. she's the cynical one, and she starts laughing out loud, and does never stop. she laughs because she does not believe the cranky one has guts, she does not believe she can't be doing those cool things. she does not even believe the cool one exists. and she really believes in all that crap. so usually she manages to convince the other two, and it's back to crabbiness again. and again, and again.

guess that's why i always feel the urge to change, to move. to start something new, to wear a new character's clothes. and since i have no guts, i can't tell the world, look, i'm someone else now. so i need to change settings, to change the background, to prepare the scene for the new character. and this comes together with dropping things. and it's always been like that, and it's ok. just now i start thinking that if it's such a pattern, maybe it means something. but maybe not. got no clue.