my heidelbeere nights (and days)

borrowed the title from a movie i saw recently. my blueberry nights, by wong kar wai. have heard about his previous movies but never seen any. this one is supposed to be different, since is not in chinese anymore and set up in the usa. liked it. was a cute love story (more than one actually). v. romantic, that kind of romantic that makes you smile, and want to eat blueberry pie with ice cream. amazing scene in the entry titles: just ice cream spreading through the pie. white over red. was looking for it on youtube, but nothing. cannot even find a picture. wanted to post it, was gorgeous.

haven't blogged in a while. me pretty tired these days. had pretty different schedule than usual. had lectures. about real physics, not astronomy. was not used to that. well, don't know if it's the having lecture the whole day thing or going back to real physics. am so ignorant about it... went to the talk of last year nobel prize and didn't really understand much. me pretty sad.

and had coffee the whole time to stay awake during lectures. so tired and awake, sleepy and not sleepy were pretty messed up. seems i've been doing lots these days but probably have not really done anything. certainly some insane addictions don't really help. like grey's anatomy. not certainly proud of it, but still, can't help. and yet it provides some uncontroversial truths (like the "socially retarded" one!) but mainly i keep watching it because i need to defocus from certain things i should be doing right now and am too lazy to do - or even think about.

definitely weird, how my laziness propagates. highly non linear. i might hate something a real lot, but then when something else comes out, more important and urgent and meaningful and blah blah, then i start procrastinating the new thing by even doing the ones i avoided so much before. denial. am a real expert. i even went for a jog, unbelievable. and felt really good, the fact that i actually could run, that my knee is still working. wanted to go again, but clearly good old laziness came back. and also a bit of pain in the knee, but most laziness.

started writing again. stuff. but still, i guess i am just writing to avoid thinking about other stuff. not really because i can't live without, as rilke would suggest. not really. for example, i could write something now. have a few ideas. or i could just get some sleep, but something tells me i'll give a shot to the addiction.
so sad.