got tired...

got clearly tired of this blog thing. just maybe don’t have enough things to tell and share... like nothing special ever happens. maybe at the beginning of the month i was more inspired because a lot of things were changing and going on. i had the whole setting the new apartment thing which kept me busy for days. now everything is in its right place, the room looks unexpectedly big and empty, and i am obviously bored. and there was the photo exhibit thing, too. but now it’s over. everything is fading out.

feierabend, as the germans would say. and me getting tired. am actually getting tired, too. going to sleep

photo exhibit - closing time

tonight we had a final party for our photo exhibition.
yes, i organised an exhibition of pictures with some friends. i’m just an amateur, very very beginner. my friends are amateur too, but nonetheless we organised this exhibit thing. which turned out to be something exciting, especially because the place we used is really great. the place is an old inner pool from beginning of XX century, been closed for last 25 years or so... very decadent, rough appearance...
we had the exhibition just for fun, but it was nice to play with this awesome place. and to organise some kind of event, i mean something serious but totally not-science-related...
this was great!

one of my pictures is this one with the crane. don’t have the other ones. didn’t scan them yet. yes, i pretend to be a posh old style photographer shooting only on film. actually i’m just learning. i don’t pretend anything. i just like taking pictures at containers in harbours. this one was in mannheim harbour. mannheim is the closest city here, some 15 min drive. it’s a river harbour, obviously. god knows where is the sea in this country. and not even the best harbour ever. nonetheless i like going there. walking around, wondering when all that stuff is leaving and where it’s going and where it’s been before and all that stuff.
also the other pictures show goods and stuff and harbours and trucks and containers. what can i say, i like logistics. pretty weird, i know.

tonight we closed the exhibit. last party. the germans call it finissage. sounds really posh. even vernissage sounds posh to me. but we’re not, really. well actually we pretend to be deep and cultural. i also had the idea - and this is very posh - of having a friend of mine playing live music during the party. played the piano. was very nice, just that to pick up a piano, even though an electric one, and drive it around the city is not that enjoyable. regret stupid idea all yesterday, but still, result was pretty cool.


here are a couple of links about the exhibit

the official website of the exhibition
the exhibition in the aha website
pictures from the Vernissage
pictures from the Finissage

thinking about relationships

always wondered why people who had a long relationship with someone and, after spending years together, suddenly break up, why most of these people immediately start a new serious and generally long-lasting relationship right after.

actually thought i knew the answer. thought it’s some kind of disease, in the sense that once you’re used for years to picture yourself together with someone, you cannot stop doing that. you don’t see yourself as an independent entity anymore, and although you’re not looking for anybody special since you’re still attached to your former partner, still you immediately get charmed by someone else.

my friend laura a couple of night ago made me look at the issue from another point of view. she’s in the “seeing someone else” phase after a major break up. what she said is that it’s because after spending years with someone you’re so used to have someone around and to make this person feel comfortable, that you easily and quickly make other people feel comfortable. and they like you and want to spend time with you.

makes sense, to some extent.
although i’m still pretty much convinced of my opinion, which explains WHY people after a major break up tend to end up in a new relationship, this theory actually explains pretty well HOW this happens.

am slightly scared. if laura’s theory is correct, then i’m fucked. no way a pathological non-relationship person like me would make someone else feel comfortable.

thinking about it, laura’s theory could also explain why people who are currently in a relationship are somehow more capable to flirt than single people. well i actually thought it’s because you don’t need anything, you’re basically looking for nothing, and that’s what makes you look more interesting and spontaneous than others. but probably there’s the making someone feeling comfortable factor too. and the self esteem coming from successfully making your own relationship work.

and it’s probably this self esteem which remains even after the break up, the self esteem for having anyway managed to make something work for a while...

makes sense and scares at same time.
well it’s 2.45 in the night. whatever could make sense and scare me, so good night.............

losing interest...

didn’t write for a few days. could be i’m losing interest in this blog thing. actually during the day, when i’m alone, walking or cycling or writing emails, i sometimes think about the perfect blog entry. but then it’s just gone...

or maybe didn’t write because simply had too much to do.
my friend laura from italy is here visiting. my sister, nearly. shared a room at university. studied together for most exams. she was lovely. helped me building all the furniture. now i finally have a room! i completed my tetris level! i have a wardrobe, a bed, a desk, drawers and shelves... well, stuff is still in boxes, bags and luggage. the picture above gives a rough idea... well, can’t have everything from life!

it’s really cool! i like how the room looks now, just one of the walls is pretty ruined. was thinking about painting it. some colour. just one wall. some dark violet or so. like this: VIOLET. well not exactly like that. i mean violet like my bed sheets. i think it fits. will go to bauhaus and check if they have such a colour and how much it is. most likely i will have to prepare the colour myself. not sure i’m able to, i was not even able to find the right one on the computer!

and anyway before painting i should start putting things in their right place. maybe this way i can even find my digital camera. should be here, i mean somewhere in the house, haven’t seen it for a week. hope i didn’t lose it, but i never took it away from home. would have liked to take pictures of the room while building it, during the various steps. now i’ll just take one at the complete level. if i ever find it...

a bike odissey

unbelievable: my bike is down again! i go out this morning, even earlier than usual, i start cycling and immediately it’s again soooo hard... the back tire was flat again! i was so upset! anyway i managed to drive it to the shop and they changed the air chamber (or whatever it’s called)...

can’t stand it anymore!
plus, as a by-product, i didn’t manage to get to work before 10, i am really starting to think there’s really a field of forces blocking me ;)

work was pretty ok, spoke with my supervisor and showed him all my plots, he was happy as usual, hopefully i manage to finish this paper very soon and than i can change topic!

just that the rest of the day i’ve been feeling kind of sick, have headache, my eyes are tired, sore throat and lisa simpson’s voice coming and going away... actually, to be more precise, it’s lisa simpson going transsexual...

went to see a movie. documentary actually.
war photographer. that’s the name. and obviously that’s what it’s about. James Nachtwey, a photo reporter who always worked about war or poverty everywhere in the world. very interesting, although the beginning was really tough. made me feel tiny and useless. just a spoiled little girl, with my little project in this little city.

surprisingly going on...

come back home after first small beer. am definitely too tired. and moody, just for a change. plus the place was kind of sad. vespa bar. it was once a noisy and smoky crowded bar, alex. very bad one by the way. now they refurbished and it’s not smoky, nor noisy. just sad. but probably being tired and moody mostly made it.

finally got my bike again. yesterday the guy at the shop let me use their professional pump to inflate the tire. this morning i could barely cycle back to the shop before it was completely down again. so i got new tires. 45 euros. don’t know what will eventually cost me more: the lack of experience, the lack of time or my chronic laziness...

went to old flat. kind of sorted things out with old landlord. and old roommate. hopefully will have nothing to do with all that again. i mean, it was a nice flat. but way too uncomfortable. never felt home there. now i kind of already do, even though sleeping on the floor surrounded by amorphous stuff.
actually i don’t feel exactly at home. it’s my friends isabel and giovanna’s place. now i moved here but still feel like it’s their place. but maybe i’ve been feeling home here for the last year, so it kind of explains.

i think i will watch a couple of friends episodes and try to catch some sleep. yes, i am a tv show addicted. well, not all of them. just friends (not ashamed to say, i have *all* the dvd’s). and a few others too. among the best ones. ally mac beal, sex and the city, scrubs, coupling...
well i recently started with lost. not me actually, was giulia’s fault. i wonder why she wanted me so badly to watch it. it’s not even good, but after a while you can’t do without. i think the reason why people keep on suggesting it to other people is because they don’t want to be the only fools who got the addiction. but for now i’m safe, there won’t be any new episode until beginning of next year.

geekiness masterpiece

me and my friend giulia wrote a masterpiece.
it’s the geek version of a song.
one, by u2.

we are geeks, even though we pretend we are not.
we pretend we are not because we are surrounded by geeks of much higher order...
see? higher order?! typical geek jargon.

we are geeks, no excuse.
we are phd students. astrophysicists.
what else should you expect?

actually this song thing was my fault. some time ago i didn’t remember the line where it is said “love is a higher law”... really don’t know how (?) but somehow understood “love is a power law”... very physicist... that’s why giulia and matteo appreciated it so much :) and why we spent last sunday evening turning the whole lyrics upside down...

here it is what came out...
to be read while listening to the original:




(office mate of the student speaking)

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now
with your thesis on the way?
You say...

(the student, speaking with him)

One code
One file
That one you need
In the night
Few data
We get to share ‘em
Program crashes if you
Don't care for it

(student, now speaking to the supervisor)

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad draft on your desk?
You act like you never published
And you want me to go without
Well it's...
Too late
Tonight
To drag the next plot into the slide
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...

(the supervisor, to the student)

Have you come here with some progress?
Have you come with new results?
Or you’re just procrastinating
check your mail and surf the web?
Did I ask too much?
More than a plot?
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Write this paper
Then we discuss again
You say

(student again)

Look at my template
Check this power law
Look at my template
Check this power law

(supervisor)

You ask me explanations
But then it seems you’re dull
And I can't be holding on
To what you plot
When all you plot is wrong

(student’s final chorus)

One graph
My blood
No life
You got to do what you should
One mail
To each other
Students
Advisers
One lab
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...grad

One


and check the original lyrics here: one - the lyrics

is it getting better?

just came back from room. kind of sorted things out.
at least pieces of wood and luggage are not crowding in the middle but standing in some sort of ordered way along the walls. looks much larger now. only the mattress is in the middle of the room. and still plenty of shoes on the floor, so cannot really enjoy the central space.
wonder when will build bed and wardrobe. not that i need them actually. could try and sell them. sleeping on the mattress on the floor is not that bad. can’t stand having clothes in suitcases though. makes me feel confused. cannot even realise what to put in the laundry.

but still, things are getting better.
not me, actually. i felt sick today in the office. maybe it’s the mean guy with the beard’s fault. he’s my office mate - they call him like that, even though he’s pretty harmless. he has a cold or the flu and apparently infected the whole institute. but maybe i was just not feeling good because of the uncountable lindt pralines i ate the whole day.

so i came back home earlier, pushing my stupid bike.
yeah, i went to pick it up and the tire was down. that was yesterday. i pushed it to a shop while coming back home, the guy let me use their cool pump and hopefully i can use it until the weekend.

laura comes in the weekend. good news, really need someone watching over me for a couple of days, like all the time. keep feeling moody, still wonder why...

first day of the blog

it's a weird day.
definitely back to everyday life, finally.

i have been spinning around like a stupid for the last couple of months. back home, back here, summer school, back here, back home, meeting, back again... if i count the different beds i’ve been sleeping in - and all the times i woke up screaming... but that’s another story.

the point is that i have to get back to work. i mean real work, since for the last month i was basically just listening to talks and lectures all the time.

have to get back to the real world. was certainly away from it, even though being in good old heidelberg does not help much realising it.

yes, i’m living in heidelberg - germany - somewhere in the middle of the map of europe.

middle of nowhere, to some extent.

maybe i'm just feeling dizzy because of all the bureaucratic shit i've been doing in the last 2 days, it's amazing how many offices i have to call to say that i have a new address.

forgot to mention that as well. i changed flats a couple of weeks ago. was it then? or when else? don’t actually remember...

i think i’m the only person who’s actually able to make a moving last nearly six months... well, if you count the first time i thought about that, it was april 17th, my birthday. and now that i am nearly over, my new room is such a mess...

i didn’t build any piece of furniture, didn’t unpack things, am surviving with the first layers of clothes of each suitcase, even finding underwear is an adventure, jumping between boxes... well actually the entrance and the corridor don't look much better. my 2 new roommates must hate me. luckily they’re my friends, but still...

have to build the stuff, but i'm wondering when... if i start at 7 or so, when i get back from work, i’m sure our favourite neighbour will come to complain with his lovely manners! actually, if he rings the bell while i have a drill in my hand, i may be dangerous...

that's why i feel like the picture i chose to open the blog: empty drawers. i feel like there are empty drawers everywhere. everything need be put in its right place. just got no time to do it.

and today the cleaning lady in the lab brought 2 boxes of lindt pralines, which are strangely not expired, i think i am having the fourth, or maybe the fifth...

my bike is still at brian's place (which is actually my former place), i left it there when i picked up the car. then i wanted to pick it up, but i realised when i was on the bus - and already at half way! - that i had no key, so i had to come back walking because i was in the potential well of no buses, and i was so pissed off and destroyed that i didn't want to try again. but i am dead with no bike!

plus i found out that having a parking permit does not mean having a parking place! i spent an infinite amount of time driving around these little alleys looking for a spot for my tiny little car!

so that's a good start for the new month and semester, what do you think??? actually sounds like a very good opening for a blog, i think i will start one right now...

just need to find the right radiohead song to go with it to conceal the perfect mood...